technically she is my sister | eyes's Blog

So, technically, she is my sister. Not that we have ever been sisters.

I don't feel anything for her. But I have empathy for her. I feel horrible that it doesn't really matter to me. I thought it didn't really matter to her either. I found out otherwise the other day - and I feel like somehow, her anxiety is my fault. I just can't imagine caring that much about someone I've never met, someone who means nothing to me. I hate our birthmother, have since before my nasty little run ins with her. My birthsister, on the other hand, defends her and her choices.I want nothing to do with my birthfamily, because they aren't family. My birthsister seems to feel like part of her is missing.I'm confused, because I empathize with her, the same as I do anyone else. I think part of me wishes I thought of her as a sister... but I never have. I don't think I can - nor do I want to.

We had completely different lives. She frets over the little bad things in her life, and I don't think she has ever really been exposed to the big bad things out there - whereas, I've lived a lot of them.

I don't like feeling guilt for something that isn't my fault, for something I can't fix.

But I feel compelled to try - because if you think about it - I'm the only true blood she has, and that is what she wants to know. If I abandon her.... there is no one else.