reservations, please | eyes's Blog

Actually, I want to learn how to be less reserved.



I know I can do it, I have been like that before... umm... it was a chemically attained state... but I still did it.



The only advice I've ever gotten on the subject is just do it, just say it blah. They never help me figure out how to deal with the panic I feel. I am always so afraid that I am going to really (and almost immediately) regret what I've done or said, that I don't do anything. I hide the impulses.



I don't know how to interact with other people, to tell if I'm doing good, or if people are straining just to humor me. I am painfully aware of everything I do and say (for the most part) and of everything going on around me, but I interpret it all wrong.



There are conversations I would love to join, but an too awkward to do so, groups I would love to join, but am too embarrassed to do so.



I am so frustrated, because I want so badly to make progress, and instead I feel like I'm backsliding.