i hate my life.... again | eyes's Blog

this is why i hate my life



For over a decade and a half now i have desperately wanted to go to Ren Fest, the renaissance fair. Every year something has gone wrong.



This year my best friend swore he would take me (next weekend). I can't go by myself because I am prone to panic attacks, and have to have someone with me. 



I called him just a few minutes ago to see how long it would take to set up my new fish tank, which I was terribly excited about. I feel horrible today because of a stupid test the doctor ordered yesterday, and I was worried that I felt too bad to get everything done this weekend. So I call him, and he says we can set up the tank next weekend, and I reminded him that next weekend is Ren Fest. He said "Oh, I didn't tell you? I have to work next weekend."



So now, once again, I can't go.



Every fucking year.



What sucks is that this week, until Saturday, I actually felt pretty good, like I might be getting out of the depression. Now I'm right back in it.



I shouldn't ever look forward to anything, because it always gets fucked up and falls through.